today I burned my tongue on a piece of pizza and I think that it’s a very strong metaphor that sometimes the things you love most in life will hurt you.
that awkward moment when you like the teacher that everyone hates
there’s nothing more satisfying than being an asshole in mario kart
my grandpa has a date tonight and hes really old and in a wheelchair and has to drag around this breathing machine but hes just sitting there waiting for the hospice shuttle to take him to pick up his date and he looks suPER EXCITED and its the cutest thing ive ever seen
update he came home and i asked him how it went and he said, “i should have taken an extra tank of oxygen because she took my BREATH AWAY”
THATS SO CUTE SEND HELP
you make it to the final round on who wants to be a millionaire and the $1,000,000 question is
ok do u finger urself
people who exercise in order to get rid of period cramps are the ones surviving the apocalypse.